Hyperbole and a Half: Depression

Hyperbole and a Half is a blog by Allie Brosh. It is incredibly smart and interesting and entertaining and just generally downright hysterical. Allie writes about anything and everything: funny stories from when she was a kid, thoughts she has, things she has experienced. She writes semi-seriously about humorous topics and humorous topics. She uses a deadpan tone, but she is hilariously and brutally honest. Through a combination of text and exaggerated terrible MS Paint drawings, she makes her stories accessible and engaging for just about anybody.

Adventures in Depression is a two part series about her own experience of dealing with depression in her own life and I think she does an admirable job of capturing its essence. In part one, Allie writes how she had no real reason to feel sad or depressed, she just was. She woke up one day and felt helpless. She walks us readers through different stages she experienced in her depression. She tried to force herself to stop feeling sad, to get up and do things. Then she got mad and tried to shame herself into action, which only made her feel sadder and more worthless. She got trapped in loops of self hatred for months, barely even leaving her house. Finally her feelings started to shrivel up until she could not feel anything anymore. By the end of part one, she has finally achieved not being able to care about anything at all.

In part two, Allie compared depression with the feeling of getting older and having less fun playing imagination games with toys. She says depression felt similar, but with every aspect of life. She writes about how at first the detachment she felt was exhilarating, but then she realized the difference between not caring about things and not being able to care about things. Nothing felt like it had any meaning or purpose. Her friends would try to encourage her to go outside or do uplifting things, but it did not matter because she was stuck in a place where everything felt like nothing no matter what she did. She thought it would have been more helpful if her friends could just acknowledge that she was depressed without trying to "fix" her, because nothing they did helped. Allie goes on to talk about wanting to be dead but not wanting to kill herself. Just wanting to stop existing.

Then she started to get some of her feelings back. Once in a while she would feel mad, or start crying. It did not really make much sense, but it was something. Finally she gets to the moment everything changed. She was lying on the floor of her kitchen and she saw a kernel of corn under the refrigerator and she started laughing hysterically. Allie says that it was the funniest thing she has ever seen, but she could never in a million years explain why it was so funny. She ends on a semi hopeful note: "And even if everything still seems like hopeless bullshit, maybe it's just pointless bullshit or weird bullshit or possibly not even bullshit."

I loved these stories. They were an emotional rollercoaster. They made me laugh, they made me cry, they made uncomfortable, and I learned a lot. I think that this is a great place to start for people who are curious about depression but haven't experienced it themselves. And depression is an individual experience that is different from person to person, of course, but it can be extremely helpful to read about the perspective of somebody who has experienced it. Because it does not really make sense, but it is good to know that sometimes the best thing (or the only thing) we can do for someone is to let them know that we are there for them and we care about them.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Otherness and the Imitation Game

On Thursday, April 5th, our class watched a presentation on gender and sexuality by a woman named Mara from Outright Vermont. Outright Vermont is a nonprofit organization that helps to advocate and provide resources for young Vermonters who are typically "other." They may be gay or lesbian or transgender or else be questioning their sexuality or gender identity. These young people often are socially excluded by their peers because of their nonconformity, which can be extremely detrimental for their mental wellbeing during this rocky phase of adolescence. I was moved by the presentation and inspired to find out what I can do to potentially make high school easier and more inclusive for queer teens as a future educator. We took one class period to further explore our understanding of gender and sexuality in basically any way was most interesting to us.

I watched the Imitation Game, an Academy Award-nominated film featuring A-list actors such as Benedict Cumberbatch and Keira Knightly. It is based on the true story of Alan Turing, a brilliant British code breaker, who was responsible for breaking the incredibly complicated Nazi enigma code. This invaluable strategic information eventually led to the Allied forces winning the Second World War. The movie is extremely dramatic and focuses more on the interpersonal relationships of Turing and his fellow code breakers than on World War II and its historical context. Turing (played by Cumberbatch) is extremely socially awkward and he is also gay. We as the audience are able to witness his struggle to navigate the complicated social and professional worlds he is thrust into as the greatest code breaker in the country, worlds in which being homosexual is still illegal.

I absolutely loved the movie. As someone who is neither autistic nor homosexual, the movie provides a window into how stark and difficult things can be for people who are viewed by society as "abnormal." For teens who struggle greatly with social interactions I can imagine that it must be a powerful experience to see people like them on the big screen. Just like the way that Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy was a mirror for a young boy with autism who experiences similar struggles in his own life, Alan Turing's character does the same for both socially awkward and queer teens (Autism Speaks). For adolescents who are struggling with their own sexuality in a society where sexual otherness may not be illegal anymore but is still far from the accepted norm, seeing that people like them is important. Movies with nontraditional leads can help marginalized groups of young people realize that people like them have changed the world and, despite what their history textbooks may tell them, they will continue to do so in the future. Hopefully large scale Hollywood movies will continue to produce movies with inspirational lead characters who subvert our social and cultural understandings of what is normal and what is "other."



“'Guardians of the Galaxy' Hero Is Role Model for Boy with Autism.” Autism Speaks, 27 Aug. 2014, www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/039guardians-galaxy039-hero-role-model-boy-autism.

Taking a Gap Year in the Middle of College

Over the last three or four weeks I have been thinking more and more about potentially leaving school next year for a break, then coming back to finish my studies. There are a number of reasons I have been thinking about this. Lately I have been feeling stuck in a rut that I can't get out of. I have not been feeling very engaged in my classes, so it has been incredibly hard for me to motivate to do my assignments to the best of my ability. It is frustrating to be in this place right now because I do not know what exactly is causing me to feel this way or how I can get it to stop. So, I started thinking that perhaps the best thing for me to do would be for me to withdraw from school for a year, pursue other interests, and come back to do the final two years of undergrad feeling more engaged and focused.

I started making a list of pros and cons. I took a gap year after high school two years ago, so I have some experience with the benefits and drawbacks of such an experience. For me, I am convinced that my time away from school contributed significantly to the success I have enjoyed here at Saint Mikes thus far. One big advantage of taking a year off next year is that I would have the chance to travel again. During my gap year in 2015/2016, I traveled around Turkey, Mexico, Costa Rica, and the Western United States. Sometimes when I am here in school I get into the mindset that I am wasting time and I am not growing or pushing myself as much as I could be. I would think "If I were not in school right now I could be skiing out west, or teaching Spanish in South America, or backpacking and surfing in Southeast Asia." This is not a good mindset to have, especially when I am surrounded by so many opportunities for personal growth here at Saint Mikes. Another advantage could be that I might be able to take more advantage of my classes and my options here after taking another year off to explore and reflect. I have an incredible opportunity to pursue a higher education and I do not want to waste it by not being completely committed to being here.

Here is a video I made from my gap year in 2016.

I also wrote down a bunch of the disadvantages of taking a gap year. An obvious one is that if I took a year off then I would not be able to graduate with all of my friends who are currently in my year, and then I would still be in school for another year after they had graduates. Also, I am already old for a sophomore (I turn 21 in June) and if I took another year off then I would be taking classes with students two or more years younger than myself when I returned. I also have a lot of things going for me here currently that are hard to leave behind, such as my job, the kids that I mentor, and the adventure sports program. Finally, if I were to take another year off, it is very possible that I might not want to return to school. I have talked to a few different people, both in persona and on online forums, who only planned on taking one year off in the middle of college but ended up never going back. Some were happy with their lives now and said they would make the same decision again in a heartbeat, but others were kicking themselves for not just buckling down and finishing school before going off into the world.

Well, I am still considering what would be best for me, but I am currently thinking that it makes the most sense for me to return to Saint Mikes next year and the year after and finish my degree in the typical four years. I think that the biggest problem I am facing right now is my own mentality and I am not sure taking a year off would change that. I have a lot of ideas of other ways I can involve myself in school and in the community for next semester. I just need to find the passion and motivation to implement them. If I can stay here and focus on improving myself, that is the optimal solution.

YA Novel: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

My group read the Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky over break and to be honest it is one of the best young adult novels I have ever read. In many ways it is a typical coming of age story. The protagonist, Charlie, is entering his first year of high school friendless and alone. He is extremely introverted and quiet. Eventually he makes friends with Sam and Patrick, who are brother and sister and both seniors, at a football game. Throughout the course of the year Charlie gets close with them. They show him music and bring him to parties and help him begin to break out of his shell. By the end of the novel, Charlie has grown up a lot.

What this novel did that made it stand out to me was the way it portrayed the characters. The story is told from Charlie's perspective through letters he writes to "you," a recipient unknown to him. The letters act as a journal of sorts. The other characters are shown as being extremely human. Patrick and Sam are somewhat idolized by Charlie because they took him in when no one else did, but they have their struggles as well. Patrick is gay and is in love with the star quarterback on the football team. They have to be together in secret because the quarterback has a father who is extremely homophobic. Sam used to be taken advantage of by older high schoolers who would get her drunk at parties back when she was a freshman. Charlie's sister gets hit by her boyfriend and then gets pregnant and Charlie goes with her to get an abortion. Now that I am rereading this description, it makes it sound like this novel is just one edgy teenage issue after another. In actuality I think this novel does an excellent job of presenting realistic characters and a believable plot. Everyone in Charlie's life goes through ups and downs, struggles and successes. That is what makes them so human. Even Charlie himself struggles with figuring out what the right thing to do is. Because the novel is written from his perspective, he almost seems impartial much of the time but Charlie is constantly learning, questioning, growing, and making mistakes.

Through Charlie's questioning thought process, we are shown the way he looks at the world. He does not simply accept things as they are, he is always questioning why. I loved reading this novel because it shows the light and the dark in equal measure. There is no easy right or wrong answer in the vast majority of life. For adolescents with developing brains, it is helpful to know that the most important thing is to put yourself out of your comfort zone and try. Mistakes are just a part of the journey.